My letter to me, before I become a bird.

Memento mori.

I’m thinking of artists no longer with us who have inspired me through their lives, work ethic, and contributions.

There are also people still living who once inspired me to try what felt impossible. They have shaped parts of my life and identity. But they may have gone through difficult periods, and some turned to unhealthy ways to cope(1) with unresolved pain. Others may have gone through hardships but remain outwardly positive, seeming genuinely light and carefree.

It comes back to how we manage and process these tribulations and pain.(2) None of us is perfectly strong.

With grace and dignity

I had read Khalil Fong’s memorial card, which shared his final words:

"Time waits for no one. As we age, we come to understand more deeply the duality of time – its reality and its illusion. Life presents us with countless twists and challenges, yet I believe one of our goals should be to navigate its path with grace and dignity.

“At this particular moment in my life, where everything seems to stand still, I am granted ample time to reflect on the past, contemplate the present with sincerity, and dream of the future. The name The Dreamer symbolizes that even in the face of illness and life’s many trials, I remain here, filled with creative vision and boundless dreams.

“May you, in the days to come, continue to hold fast to your dreams, persevere in your efforts, grow, evolve and fully realise your potential at every stage of life." 

My letter to you

This has led me to think about my own “last words”, like a final letter to the world. There is a certainty of death anyway; why wait until the end to write and share?

I spent a whole day writing my "last words". That said, life is a personal experience, and these are only my personal thoughts. I respect each person’s freedom to live and think as they choose.:

I wish all of us good health, safety, comfortable shelter, and minimal pain for as long as possible.

I wish all of us a beautiful life, la bella vita, to enjoy friends and fellowship, to be blessed with listening ears, and to encounter inspiration through presence and connection.

No matter who we are, to be provided meaningful opportunities to be educated and learn, and to pursue, with depth and mastery, what we hope to achieve.

I wish us peace, until our very end.

The letter in full: A letter to me

This version is longer, and more of a letter I'd like to share with loved ones or anyone interested in reading my full thoughts.

As I am still living, this letter’s most valuable role is as a letter to myself. I could then spend my life meaningfully and spread positivity through my actions.

"As we live, we may suffer. First, I wish all of us good health, safety, comfortable shelter, and minimal pain for as long as possible. I also wish for the release of any unnecessary burdens of the body, spirit, and relationships that cause suffering.

As I continue living, like "the myth of Sisyphus", I hope I have the strength to continually distil joy from my life journey. I hope I'm blessed with patience and luck to illuminate a positive path forward and grateful eyes to recognise it. May I have the courage to choose risk, the discipline to act, the integrity to communicate simply, and the heart to only say what matters.

To end off, I wish all of us a beautiful life, la bella vita, to enjoy friends and fellowship, to be blessed with listening ears, and to encounter inspiration through presence and connection. No matter who we are, to be provided meaningful opportunities to be educated and learn(3), and to pursue, with depth and mastery, what we hope to achieve.

Again, I wish us minimal pain and more peace, until our very end."

May I, too, live like Khalil Fong. In the days to come, to continue to hold fast to my dreams, persevere in my efforts, grow, evolve and fully realise my potential at every stage of my life. 

I'll learn to spend my days simply and in good faith. Then, when I'm gone, let me be a bird, chattering and circling, basking in the sun. I will fly freely among the trees, enjoying lovely views and a sea breeze.

Footnotes

(1) I've personally coped via a few ways:
1. Numb or try to soften the sting of the problem until it goes away.
2. The problem isn't going away, so quietly endure until it becomes too much to bear.
3. I might not even recognise the real problem. Realise that I must solve the problem myself. Face the issue directly, do the difficult work of processing it, and get better.

(2) A description of my dark place: "Over time, ordinary, recurring responsibilities, along with hurtful words, accumulated into real hardships. Unbearable days morph into weeks of difficulty, and then months start to feel monstrously unmanageable. The years ahead then collapse into an incomprehensible black hole: a hopeless, draining and dark place." I found that my headlights work, thankfully (quoting E.L. Doctorow).

(3) Writing this resonated with me the most. Just a generation ago, many women had limited access to education and career opportunities. I’ve found deep joy in learning as much as I could, thinking, and contributing through work, and hope many others can have the chance for the same.